The Hottest NFL QBs, Ranked
This is a comedic bonus episode with no actual fantasy football strategy content — it's a full reveal of the Ringer crew's crowdsourced 'hottest NFL quarterbacks' rankings from female listeners (dubbed 'The Seven'), running through honorable mentions up to the No. 1 pick. ESPN's Mina Kimes joins at the end to react to the list and debate the top four. There is no usage, injury, start/sit, or draft-value analysis in this episode.
This episode is a pure novelty segment, not a strategy show: the hosts (Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, Craig Horlbeck) spent the summer collecting attractiveness rankings of NFL quarterbacks from seven female listeners ("the seven"), compiled them into a composite top 32, and use this finale to reveal the full countdown, closing with ESPN's Mina Kimes joining to judge the top four. There is no fantasy roster analysis in this episode — the "argument" is entirely about who is hot and why, with the hosts occasionally noting real NFL context (depth charts, starting jobs) only as it relates to a player's ranking.
The arguments
Aura and confidence beat conventional looks. Baker Mayfield (10th) and Caleb Williams (9th) were flagged by all three hosts and later by Kimes as guys whose swagger elevates them well past their raw features; Kimes specifically argued Williams was ranked too low and should be a top-four "aura" pick, citing his in-person presence and recent weight loss.
Height and "dad/wife-guy" energy consistently outperformed pure facial symmetry. The hosts repeatedly noted that being 6'4"+ (Herbert, Love, Stafford) or being an outspoken family man (Jordan Love's maternity photos, Josh Allen's viral clip about his daughter) pushed rankings up, while Joe Burrow's reluctance to publicly affirm his rumored girlfriend and his "Gen Z," Batmobile-and-katana persona were floated by Heifetz and Kelly as reasons he finished third behind Allen despite Kelly and Kimes arguing Burrow is objectively better-looking.
Youth and baby-facedness were a real penalty. Drake May, Cam Ward, and Brock Purdy all suffered for looking underage; Purdy's ranking produced the show's widest host disagreement (DK had him 32nd, Craig had him 10th), which the hosts attributed to age-of-voter bias and Purdy's on-field "look-how-tall-he-really-is" effect that doesn't come through on TV.
Grooming details the hosts wouldn't have flagged themselves swung rankings meaningfully. Bryce Young's "chin cushion" facial hair and Matt Stafford's visible veneers were cited by "the seven" as real deductions, to the point that Kelly and Heifetz introduced "veneers as the male boob job" as a running bit; several quarterbacks (Burrow, Shedeur Sanders, possibly Tua) were suspected of veneers and it affected their standing.
Team/context stink can drag down an otherwise handsome player. Shedeur Sanders (8th) was universally agreed to be hurt by playing behind Deshaun Watson on a bad Browns team, with Craig explicitly saying "the Deshaun stink is on Shedeur" despite ranking him 4th on pure looks; some voters left him off the ballot entirely because his 2026 starting job wasn't secure.
The top of the board was not close. Jalen Hurts won going away with roughly 45% of first-place votes, and both the hosts and Kimes independently had him and Josh Allen/Burrow in their own top tiers — the only real debate was Allen over Burrow at two-three, which Kimes called the biggest surprise of the list.
What it means for your roster
- No actionable fantasy advice was given in this episode — treat it purely as offseason content, not draft guidance.
- The one real news nugget: Jimmy Garoppolo signaled openness to playing again rather than retiring, which the hosts note complicates their earlier premise but doesn't change his fantasy relevance since he wouldn't be a starter.
- Shedeur Sanders' NFL standing was discussed only in the context of the Browns' messy QB room (behind Deshaun Watson); the hosts gave no indication he's closer to a real path to snaps this year.
- Tua Tagovailoa's status as a starter was called into question by the hosts themselves ("unclear exactly if he's a starting quarterback... he's probably a starting quarterback"), which is the closest thing to a depth-chart flag in the episode.
- Ignore any temptation to draft off this list — Trevor Lawrence was intentionally left out of the rankings as a "insulting" placement, and the hosts stress the whole exercise is looks-based, not performance-based.
“Baker Mayfield looks like he's from Boston.” — Danny Heifetz
Players in this episode
→ Ranked No. 2, benefiting from 'dad energy' and being a devoted family man with fiancée/wife Hailee Steinfeld; seen as the most consistently well-liked across voters.
↓ Did not make the top 16 (honorable mention), described as looking too young/gangly to be considered hot yet.
↑ Ranked No. 14, which hosts felt was too low given his smile and charisma; his mother's constant presence at games was jokingly floated as a possible detractor.
→ Ranked No. 3; praised for looks but knocked for inconsistent hairstyles, fashion-forward 'diva' persona, and not being seen with his rumored girlfriend publicly.
↑ Ranked No. 9; Mina Kimes called Tua ranking above him 'one of the greatest miscarriages of justice,' arguing Caleb should be top-four caliber.
→ Ranked No. 16 (lowest in the top 16) with the widest vote variance of any QB; hosts theorized his political comments and youthful look hurt him despite strong 'riz.'
→ Ranked No. 4; hosts noted his height, quiet demeanor, and engagement to Madison Beer as factors in his ranking.
→ Voted the No. 1 hottest quarterback with nearly 45% of first-place votes; hosts called him objectively the best-looking, if a bit 'boring' personality-wise.
↓ Missed the cut at 23rd, a bigger drop than hosts expected given their own higher rankings for him.
→ Ranked No. 13; hosts wildly disagreed (DK had him 32nd, Craig had him ~10th); Mina Kimes argued he looks bigger/better in person than photos suggest.
→ Ranked No. 5; praised for 'beefcake energy,' bald head, and overcoming anti-Cowboys bias among voters.
→ Ranked No. 7, a surprise to all three hosts who had him much lower in their own composite rankings.
↑ Ranked No. 10; universally praised for 'aura' and confidence overriding traditional looks; Mina Kimes named him as having the best in-person aura of any QB.
↓ Did not make the top 16; called 'perfectly fine' and tall but unremarkable, with hosts noting his wife outshines him.
→ Ranked No. 15; called 'forgettable' and 'Wonder Bread' looking by voters, though Mina Kimes predicted he could age well like Tom Brady did.
→ Ranked No. 12; called a 'cutie patootie' but docked for height and an unkempt 'chin cushion' beard style.
→ Ranked No. 11; heavily discussed for his veneers ('mega chompers') and improved looks with age compared to his younger self.
→ Surprise No. 6 ranking that hosts and Mina Kimes felt was too high, especially over Caleb Williams; praised for smile and beard.
→ Ranked No. 8; hosts felt he deserved higher but was dragged down by association with Deshaun Watson and the Browns' struggles.
↓ Did not make the top 16; compared to a 'well-done robot' or Gary from Team America, called conventionally attractive but a 'dweeb.'